New But Same
I'm not in the habit of creating guidelines for my 'new self' for the new year. I don't think I've ever thought in those terms exactly or even gone as far to write down or vocalize a 'resolution' until now. I understand now more than ever the sudden urge to reorganize, declutter, and get serious about life goals. Perhaps it's just the point in my life where I know I need to hunker down and get real. I'm the same person today that I was on December 31st. Yet some part of me is really, enthusiastically determined to prove to myself that I can be better than that person. It might have something to do with a fact that I recently discovered: the fun and fearless fashion lovin' lady, Leandra Medine is 27 years old! And, boy, does she have her SHIT TOGETHER! And I'm not too far from 27, and I do NOT have my shit together. I know this is a childlike frame of mind. This comparison could not be any more unfair and irrelevant to the goals I am working towards. She is obviously at a very different stage of her life with different aspirations etc. etc. But damn. She's a huge inspiration to me. She's thoughtful and intellectual about an important part of our culture. Her contribution to the world through her writing inspires me almost daily. I don't think my writing will ever do that for people but I'd like to try. That's why I'm committing some time to writing this year. Once a week I'll post my thoughts and feelings on my blog as a check in with myself, but also for my friends and family.
I'M THE SAME PERSON TODAY THAT I WAS ON DECEMBER 31st. YET SOME PART OF ME IS REALLY, ENTHUSIASTICALLY DETERMINED TO PROVE TO MYSELF THAT I CAN BE BETTER THAN THAT PERSON.
Make no mistake, I know I'm no writer. My creative strengths instead rely wholeheartedly on the visual cortex. I process and remember things I see in a way that could never be matched by my contrastingly confused sense of word choice or a capacity to remember the beautiful and eloquent words, that I hear and read, but refuse to fully register. So I walk through life wishing I had the technological capability to use a thesaurus in real time -- like I am doing right now, shamelessly, to help me get through this quick post. I would like to say that over the years it has gotten easier or that I feel like, on an elementary level, I can persuade a listener to see the world through my eyes, just for an instant. I know that's what good writers do because I feel it. It's a really touching and intimate experience when a writer is able to connect to you through words! Of ALL things! WORDS! These gobbelty gook things that flow out of my mouth without thought or proper punctuation. I've always envied the eloquent, charming and mysterious types; people who say little but say everything! The bloggers, journalists, critics, screenwriters and novelists, billowing with ideas. Ideas that have to be expressed, shared, edited, read, edited again. The need to write is a burden that in the end only helps you better understand your thoughts and the world around you.
I hope you all are kind to yourself this new year. The world doesn't exist in 365 day increments. Well, it does, but purely from an orbital standpoint. Not, however in terms of our good and bad habits. Be thoughtful and practical about your new year resolutions. Ultimately, give yourself the space to be imperfect. I'm all for the challenge, but what's the point if it's not a realistic goal? A part of the challenge for me is writing something quickly and letting go. I want to go back and read it and make it sound more considered and concise. While that's helpful and good, I'm trying to fight the urge to spend too much time on these posts. It should be somewhat free flowing. Perhaps I'll see progress as I go. Anyway, my uncle is watching a live John Mayer concert and getting really into it so I have to go. Thanks for reading. xoxo